Most people know about Alexander the Great. But, did Alexander the Great really earn his title? Maybe you think Alexander the Great is the best but, what if I proved to you he was nothing more than a grape? I really think he was nothing more than a grape. And please, can we drop the title, it is getting so annoying. Plus by the end of this, you and history won’t be needing the title “Alexander the Great” anymore.
Shall we look at the statistics first? Alexander conquered 2,000,000 square miles of land. But, that doesn’t mean there were no battles or casualties. About 100,000 civilians and enemy soldiers died trying to protect their city in Alexander’s conquests.1 And if that doesn’t convince you, look at Tyre. Tyre was an innocent city trying to protect itself. It had been protecting itself for seven months and other nearby cities had been helping to smuggle out about 15,000 civilians. When Tyre was weak from protecting itself Alexander’s men barged into the beautiful city and destroyed it. Alexander had 8,000 civilians massacred and sold 30,000 people into slavery for protecting their city.2 I mean, how cruel is that? Rampaging through an innocent city, killing it’s civilians, and selling the majority of civilians into slavery all because you wanted land and fame?
That’s a totally different level of brutal and evil. Did that convince you enough now?
Can we see the map? So, we now know that Alexander wanted to have a generous amount of land but, conquering land from Egypt to India is just plain greedy to me. Alexander also wanted to be known throughout history so that shows he is very arrogant. Also, Alexander was just too arrogant or too lazy so he named eleven cities Alexandria. He wanted to be known throughout history as a good guy by being nice to the cities that just surrendered so that Alexander could have his land. Come on, people where’s your dedication to your home?
Another way Alexander was a bad guy is that he made his troops march 8000 miles so that Alexander could get his way.3 That must’ve been really tiring to walk about halfway through the ancient world.
What about the end of his conquest? Alexander’s final battle was along the Hydaspes river on the border of India. The battle was a bloody one with elephants and horses and blood and more blood. This battle was against the Indian prince Porus and his army. Both armies fought violently but, the most violent part was when the horses bucked off their riders and the elephants were hurt by the phalanx. The elephant’s riders were killed by arrows or spears and Alexander’s army surrounded Porus’s army, forcing them to retreat. Alexander knew he had to stop conquering land, ( he was supposed to a long, long time ago ) so he let the Indians keep their land and Alexander finally started the journey back home.4 The conquest took eleven years to finish and many, many people were glad Alexander was going home.
But, all that conquering took Alexander’s toll giving him several unhealed wounds. Shortly after Alexander had feasted heavily he died on June of 323 B. C. E. and soon after that Alexander’s empire collapsed.5 Take that! All of your hard work turning into dust! Flash forwards about three centuries, a Roman military commander was at his knees weeping and sobbing because Alexander had accomplished so much at a young age. This Roman military commander’s name was the legendary leader Julius Caesar. Ugh, why does history like Alexander “ the Great “ so much?
Now you have gotten your history lesson, are you ready to say that Alexander “ the Great “ really earn his title? Raise your hand if you still think that Alexander really earned his title. Now raise your hand if you think that Alexander really didn’t earn his title. Well you have now learned plenty more about Alexander that you probably didn’t know about him in the first place. Now you know that Alexander was really a grape!
- Chart compiled from various sources
- Peter Green, Alexander of Macedon, University of California Press
- Map created from various sources
- Lucius Flavius Arrianous, The Campaigns of Alexander, circa 130 BCE
